Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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