he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
