Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(423): View more from Tennessee

he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses

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(904): View more from Florida

Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job

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(509): View more from Washington

He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.

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(509): View more from Washington

Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.

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(817): View more from Texas

Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.

(682): View more from Texas

Oh yum

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(417): View more from Missouri

He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?

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(702): View more from Nevada

You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.

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