having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize