My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
