Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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