is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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