Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize