i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
