I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
