That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
