i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
