This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
