there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
