i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
