NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
