And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
