Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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