Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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