Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
