you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
