PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
