A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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