i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Randomize
