This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
