Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
