I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
