on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just want nice things and good sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
