it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize