he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
