I wish I could teleport
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
