oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's the barista slut.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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