I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Me too!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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