Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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