He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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