Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
