she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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