OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
