Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize