i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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