Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
