I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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