I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize