Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
