Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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