the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
