Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize