How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
