Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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