420 ftw
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
