those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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