Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
