Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize