i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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