I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
