I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
