I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
