And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
