Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize