That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
