If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
