this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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