I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize