Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
