u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
