I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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