i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
