you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
