I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
