dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize