foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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