I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
