Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
