my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
