I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize