I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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