I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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