I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize