I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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