On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
