I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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