Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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