i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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