I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
