glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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