the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
