This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
