you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
