he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
