i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
